From the archives....

I was cleaning my desk today at work and found this poem, written to me by the loveliest scouser that side of the Mersey -- our lovely Gravy Queen. :) Jan is just a wonderful person. Funny. Kind. Self-deprecating. If I had known her when I lived in Liverpool I probably wouldn't have run away so fast!! So here is the poem written to me by Jan, on my birthday last year -- 7-7-06

There once was a young girl called Ilana,
Who had a love child by Chris Martin, called Banana
Alas but Chris also had a wife called Gwynnie
Who was tall, blonde and very thinny

But Ilana had another love, Risotto
That, and drinking cooking wine while getting blotto
She stirred her risotto, which was soothing and creamy
And like Chris, really rather dreamy

Through her drunken haze she hatched out a plan
To get her back into the arms of her man,
She knew Gwynnies marcrobiotic diet wasn’t nice
Chris was forced to live on mung beans and raw rice

He longed for a big plate of fish and chips
“Oh no! said Gwynnie, think of your hips!
And so Ilana drew up her shopping list
For a Feast Chris could never resist

The way to a man’s heart is through his tummy
She’d woo him away from that yummy mummy
He’d soon forget old Gwynnie
Who was tall, blonde and thinny

With the help of Nigella and her Feast Book
Ilana began to cook, and cook, and cook,
Penne alla vodka, prawn & bean salad, chocolate raspberry heart,
Schmalzy chicken, cheesy feet, bakewell tart,
Hachapuri, Involtini, choc chip muffins
Brined turkey, roast potatoes, chestnut stuffins

She slaved over the hot stove, in her polka dot pinny
Confident she would soon be rid of Gwynnie
And so the plan worked, her dream came true
Chris said “Ilana I’m back, let me try to Fix You”.

There were tears of joy
And lots of laughter
And they buggered off
To live Happy. Ever. After.